I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe he injected his testicle?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
