The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
