I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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