I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
