I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
