Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just had sex on a roof
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
