After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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