Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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