Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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