Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
