..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
