So drunk its hurt
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
