Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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