if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
