i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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