im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She needs sedatives and a leash
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
