you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
