The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
