One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
