i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
40s are totally the cure
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
