After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
