I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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