Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
