for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i now understand why vodka
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
