Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize