im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
