Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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