He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Non-Jews are for practice
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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