last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
