Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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