Porn is love you can see.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
