the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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