but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
