i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm passing your future prison.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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