The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
