oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
