Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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