He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
