who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
