Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
