I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize