So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
