I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
