i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
