did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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