I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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