I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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