Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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