She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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