Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
