girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
