I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
