if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize