Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I believe in your delicious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
