I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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