The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize