Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
