well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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