so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize