yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
