My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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