they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
