My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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