i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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