I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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