so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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