I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Found the puke drawer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
