This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
