This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
two words...techno handjob
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
