Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm like, not good at living.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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