If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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