She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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