I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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