JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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