You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
