I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
