Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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