hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
