You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
