M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
