Yo dont text me then not text me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
