I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
