Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
