I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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