You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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