Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
