There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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