champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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