I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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