I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
