Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
