who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
