there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina is officially offended.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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