We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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