So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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